Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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