i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
