I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
