I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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