Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
