sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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