i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
