ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
