you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
