Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
