Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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