So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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