My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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