Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
