let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
