seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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