I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize