Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
