Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
