and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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