Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
