A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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