And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
