just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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