i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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