Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
