if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
