The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
