He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
