Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
