Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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