if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
