somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
