By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize