So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
