There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
