You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
