Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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