I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
