i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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