my vag is so smooth its legendary
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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