I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
