I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
