btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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