i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
