And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
