My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
whose parrot is this?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
