But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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