so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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