im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
