so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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