I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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