so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
