all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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