why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
