home. puking in laundry basket.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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