I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
