pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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