He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
