I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
