A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
