Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
