chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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