Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
