fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize