He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
