why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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