seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize