I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize