I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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