Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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