She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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